My Brother Had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

My brother Guy Blackwelder was a Vietnam veteran. He died of a heart attack alone in a trailer on top of a hill with marijuana growing all around. He was finally at peace. He had lived with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for over 34 years. Marijuana was his choice of self medication. He lived in California and was licensed to grow pot. This was his dream.

Living alone was the only way he could live peacefully. He became stressed when others were around, even people who loved him. The war was never very far away. At any given moment he might relive that horrible day when his buddy was blown up in front of him. They were walking along a path in the jungle. He heard a click and then the explosion.

He was a Marine and on the front line. Three-fourths of his first platoon were killed in action. He asked to be transferred. When he heard that his old commanding sergeant had died, he asked to attend the funeral. The request was denied. He went AWOL. They found him wandering a beach with no gun, and no helmet. When he asked the Chaplin why he had to kill, the Chaplin had no answer.

When Guy came back from the war, I asked him questions. He either didn’t say anything or he said, “You wouldn’t understand.” His marriage to his childhood sweetheart failed. He lost many jobs. He lost friends. People with Asian looks scared him. Simple arguments with neighbors easily escalated to brawls.

He wasn’t always like this. I remember a laughing easy going young teenager with a winning smile. He was a good baker and made the best cakes I had ever tasted. He was smart. I marveled that he could have passing grades without opening a book. He was frugal and wore his brothers’ clothes to save his own for special occasions. He was drafted at eighteen, so he joined the Marines.

What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat. National Institute of Mental Health

What are the symptoms?

Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder typically begin within three months of a traumatic event. In a small number of cases, though, PTSD symptoms may not occur until years after the event.

Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms are commonly grouped into three types: intrusive memories, avoidance and numbing, and increased anxiety or emotional arousal (hyperarousal).

Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:

• Flashbacks, or reliving the traumatic event for minutes or even days at a time

• Upsetting dreams about the traumatic event
Symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing may include:

* Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
* Feeling emotionally numb
* Avoiding activities you once enjoyed
* Hopelessness about the future
* Memory problems
* Trouble concentrating
* Difficulty maintaining close relationships
Symptoms of anxiety and increased emotional arousal may include:

* Irritability or anger
* Overwhelming guilt or shame
* Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much
* Trouble sleeping
* Being easily startled or frightened
* Hearing or seeing things that aren't there Mayo Clinic

PTSD is more common in “at-risk” groups such as those serving in combat. About 30% of the men and women who served in Vietnam experience PTSD. An additional 20% to 25% have had partial PTSD at some point in their lives. More than half of all male Vietnam veterans and almost half of all female Vietnam veterans have experienced "clinically serious stress reaction symptoms." PTSD has also been detected among veterans of other wars. Estimates of PTSD from the Gulf War are as high as 10%. Estimates from the war in Afghanistan are between 6 and 11%. Current estimates of PTSD in military personnel who served in Iraq range from 12% to 20%. What is PTSD?

I miss you Guy. Rest in peace.

Love,
Alphise


In the photo, Guy is the Marine with his arms crossed.

Photograph courtesy of Alphise Brock. All rights reserved.